Should You Care What People Think of You at Work?

If you have ever replayed a meeting in your head and wondered how you came across, you are in good company.

There’s that old saying, “What other people think of me is none of my business.” And when it comes to people judging who you are as a person, I agree.

But at work, people also form an impression from their experience of working with you. Can they rely on you? Do they feel heard? Would they come to you again?

I think that part is our business.

Where do you draw the line?

Someone may not like your personality or approve of your choices. That is their business. You do not need to manage their opinion or win their approval.

But there is a difference between asking, “Does everyone like me?” and asking, “What happens for people when they work with me?”

The second question gives you something useful to work with. It brings the conversation out of your head and into things people actually experience.

Imagine you are leading a change that affects several teams. You bring their leaders together, explain the reasoning, invite questions and answer every one. You leave thinking the conversation went well. Everyone had a chance to speak, and the plan is moving forward.

But some of those leaders leave with a different experience. They raised concerns about how the change would affect their teams, and each concern was met with an explanation of why the plan would work. They still do not know whether anything they said was considered in the decision. A week later, the teams are repeating different versions of what is happening and why.

Someone might sum that up as “You don't listen.” That is a judgement, and it may be unfair. The experience underneath it is more useful: “I raised a concern and could not tell what you did with it.” Or, “I left the room less clear than you thought I was.” This is a question of Resonance: whether the conversation actually landed with the people in it.

That distinction matters. Feedback on how someone experienced a situation is information. Their judgement of your character is an interpretation. You can take the first seriously without accepting the second as a verdict on who you are.

What can you actually ask?

“What do people think of me?” is a pretty daunting question. It can also produce answers so broad that you cannot do much with them.

Ask about a moment instead:

“When you need something from me, do you know when you can expect a response?”

“In that meeting, did I give your concern enough room before we made the decision?”

“When you disagree with me, does the conversation stay productive? What do I do that helps or gets in the way?”

These questions might reveal something you missed. They might also reveal a misunderstanding you can clear up. Either way, you have moved beyond guessing.

Of course, one person’s experience is not the complete picture. If someone says a conversation felt rushed, you can listen and consider what happened without deciding that you are a person who never listens. If several people tell you they struggle to get a clear answer from you, that is a pattern worth paying attention to.

What do you do with the answer?

You do not need a personality overhaul. Start with one thing another person could notice.

If people cannot tell whether their concerns influenced a decision, explain what you took on board and why you chose the direction you did. If different teams leave a meeting with different versions of the plan, ask what they have understood before everyone heads off to act on it. If disagreement tends to shut a conversation down, notice what you do when your view is challenged and try asking what you might be missing.

Some feedback will be uncomfortable. Some will be unfair. You still get to decide what you do with it. The point is to understand the experience behind it before dismissing it.

That is the question at the heart of Known By Name: How do others experience working with you? Your intentions matter, but other people cannot work with your intentions alone. They work with what you say, do and follow through on.

So let people have their opinions about you as a person. But when they tell you what it is like to depend on you, speak up around you or work through a challenge with you, it might be worth listening.

What would someone who worked closely with you this month say the experience was like?

If you want a clearer picture than guesswork can give you, see how the KBN Index gathers feedback on how others experience working with you.