What is it like to disagree with you?
Someone says, “I don’t think this is the right approach.”
It sounds like disagreement. It might feel like opposition. Before they’ve explained why, you’re preparing to defend your decision.
But in most cases, the person wants the same thing you do: a good outcome. They might know something about the customer you don’t. They might see how the plan will land with the team carrying it out. Or they might want to make sure you’ve considered another angle before you commit.
How you respond now affects what they choose to tell you next time.
The defence starts early
Most of us don’t wait until someone finishes speaking before we begin forming a response.
“We’ve already considered that.”
“There’s a reason we chose this.”
“They don’t have the full context.”
All three might be true. But once you’ve started building your defence, it becomes harder to hear anything outside it.
You ask a question, but it comes out as a challenge. You explain the background before they’ve finished describing their concern. By the end, you feel as though you’ve had a useful debate. They feel as though they had to fight for the chance to tell you what they know.
Ask before you explain
The next time someone questions your approach, ask yourself: What am I missing?
Then find out. “What have you seen that worries you?” is a more useful first response than a five-minute explanation of your thinking.
Their answer might reveal a problem with your plan. It might give you a better way to put the plan into practice. It might leave you confident in your original decision, with a clearer understanding of the risk.
Not every objection is a hidden insight. Some people enjoy an argument. Some will keep pressing a point long after you’ve understood and considered it. Being open to another view doesn’t mean giving every debate unlimited time.
Will you change your mind?
Hearing someone out doesn’t mean you’ve considered changing your decision. Are you willing to do so if they bring you something you’ve missed?
If the answer is yes, find out what they’re seeing before you defend your plan. If their point changes your thinking, let them know. People notice when their input makes a difference.
If the answer is no because the decision is already made, be honest about it. You might still need their help to spot risks or work out the best way forward. Ask for that, rather than inviting them to debate a choice you’ve already closed.
Which hill is worth dying on?
When a conversation starts to go in circles, it helps to return to the decision itself.
What changes if you’re wrong? Who bears the cost? Is this decision easy to revisit?
A concern about someone’s safety, a customer promise or a serious impact on the team deserves more attention than a preference about how a slide is worded. Some decisions need a robust discussion. Others need someone to choose a direction so everyone can get on with the work.
You don’t have to change your mind on every point. And you don’t have to defend every part of your original plan to lead well.
What people bring you next time
Think about the last time someone questioned a decision you’d made. Did you find out what they saw before you explained what you saw? Was the point important enough to change course? And would they bring you their next concern?
What it’s like to disagree with you shapes what people choose to tell you. Over time, it becomes part of your reputation.
Known By Name is about understanding the experience people have of working with you. The KBN Index helps you see how that experience compares with the one you think you’re creating.
